Recently Consumer Reports published a list of the most and least reliable cars of the last ten years. Out of the 62 most reliable cars, exactly four of them were from American companies. One of them was the Pontiac Vibe, which is just a Toyota Matrix with a Pontiac emblem on the hood, so really there are only three real American cars on the list. Of those three American cars, I have driven just one, the Lincoln Town Car.
I rented a Lincoln Town Car for a week a last year. My first impression was that at 30, I was less than half the age of the average Lincoln driver. The first morning I had it I walked out of the house to load my suitcases in the car and a man driving a Cadillac down the road saw me getting into this brand new Town Car. This man was so old I am sure that he thinks rap music is "just a fad" and that John McCain is that "young gun." The man rolled down his window and leaned over and asked what kind of gas mileage the car got. The man was cupping his ear with his hand so I knew he was hard of hearing. I told him in the loudest voice I could muster that I had no idea about the mileage since I just got it yesterday, but I assured him it was not as capable as his Cadillac. (He was very old, I thought a compliment of his car might help him enjoy the last fleeting moments of his life that much more.) During the entire time I had the car the only people that looked at it were old enough to be dead.
Now this car is classified as a luxury car, and it is apparent as soon as you sit in it. The seats are so comfortable I swear they were designed for people who have just had prostate surgery, which is good because most Lincoln drivers probably have had prostate surgery or will need it in the near future. This car was perfect for serial killers because the trunk is large enough to fit at least three bodies in. My tiny sister-in-law was in the back seat and it felt like she was in another room because she was so far away from the front seat, and she could have easily invited three of her friends to sit with her. The engine and transmission were smooth as a cold glass of Ensure, everything was laid out simply and easily, no fancy iPod connections here. There car felt like a luxury ocean liner. The engine had great torque and was powerful enough to pull the car without any problems. This car was comfortable, it felt like the lobby of a nice hotel, comfortable and functional. I found the rear parking sensors handy because the car is so long it is almost impossible to park without them. I have no real complaints about the car other than the fact that it did not feel modern in the slightest. I liked the return of the visible Lincoln hood ornament, it acts almost as a cross hairs to target those pesky kids playing on your lawn. I really can't say anything bad about the car other than that it was designed for my grandfather.
It was not until a few days later that I found the most surprising aspect of this car, its depreciation. This car retails for around $45k to $50k brand new but after a year this car experiences almost 50% depreciation. I am not joking, 50% depreciation in one year. It is truly remarkable. You can easily get a 2007 with less than 15,000 miles for $24,000.
So if you just has prostate surgery and you are in the market for a more comfortable car make sure you get a used Town Car. Make sure you get it in black because if you drive a black one it makes you look more important than you really are.
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